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 Subject :Losing hope in my future.....
2016-05-16 13:28:03 
Heather4N0w
Junior
Joined: 2016-05-16 10:46:30
Posts: 1
Location

im posting to maybe get some kind of answer or a glimmer of hope... My fiance and i have been together for 4 years and recently got engaged. we have a 3 year old daughter together and she is the only thing keeping from taking my life and always has been. My Fiance is a khat addict and it started when my daughter was 2 months old. His been arrested once, rehab twice, lost his job twice and been accused of theft. its taken a huge toll on me as im always the one picking up the pieces. His a big introvert and really struggles with going to meetings and talking. His parents are my support as i dont have close family however even though they pay for his rehabs bail etc it still feels like they arnt taking this as serious as i am, his 25 but acts like his 16. His mom lives right next door to his dealer and a little while ago i told her to take her house keys from him because he doesnt need a reason to be in that area and then i find out she gave it back to him which really ticked me off.she put a tracker in his car but is too busy to track him.

He was clean for a while and so i thought im not putting my wants on hold  anymore and we started to plan a second baby... I fell pregnant and i lost the baby a few days ago... its taken alot out of me and im suffering with depression that even my boss is seeing it, and im very good at hiding my problems. Last night i caught him using again and it really broke me as im trying so hard to be strong about my baby loss and being a mother to my daughter and now this is back!

I know i cant bring anymore kids into this mess but iv put my life and dreams on hold for 3 years i just want to be happy... every time he relapses it puts me back a year my family hate him and want me to leave but financially i cant support my daughter by myself and my family cant either. I dont have friends because we had to let them all go because of his drugs. we cant go to braai's, go out, do anything because im supposed to protect him from the drugs.

We get along most of the time but i feel like im being used as a shield for him to hide behind everytime he uses...and because he knows i love him and i cant afford to live on my own that i wont go anywhere but this is too hard for me... im a strong person always have been but i cant take his manipulation, lies, etc anymore.

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 Subject :Re: Losing hope in my future.....
2016-08-08 06:24:51 
Charles
Junior
Joined: 2016-07-11 05:22:24
Posts: 1
Location: Cape Town

Dear Heather4Now

I am so sorry to hear of the challenge and pain you are enduring. My heart goes out to you and your child.

My advice to you is to find a Nar-Anon meeting you can visit (using Meeting List on this site) and make every effort to get there. My belief is that you will find the hope and support there to help you through this journey of recovery from your fiances addiction.

The journey may not be an easy one but it can be done. Many who have chosen this path to recovery will confirm that.

I wish you all the best. Never give up hope.

 

 

 

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